Liam's Birth Story, part 6

To read previous posts: Part 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5. You can also read about why we chose Homebirth here.

I had reached that impossible point in labor.

It was me against my mind.


After enduring far too many contractions on that stupid birth ball, I stood and decided I wanted to get into the birth tub. In my mind, I had earned a break from that awful position. The ease of early labor was a distant memory. Now my body ached for the warmth of the water.  I had high expectations of laboring in water, all based on other women's positive experiences and descriptions.

6:19pm

I got in, and much to my displeasure, realized the water was too cool for my liking. I suppose enough time had elapsed since my midwives filled the tub that the water was no longer warm.  I asked my midwives if we could add hot water. They were incredibly accommodating and began emptying some water in order to refill the tub with hot water.

Despite the uncomfortable water temperature, I stayed in the tub, unwilling to stand and hoist my leg over the tall side of the birth tub. Contractions came hard and fast. At this point, they were every two to three minutes and lasting over a minute. I tried to concentrate. The room was growing dim as the sun's light began to fade from the bedroom window. I could smell the Pumpkin Spice candles burning beside the tub. I felt Rod's touch. I got lost in the music, focusing intently on the lyrics. These were the songs that I carefully selected in the months leading up to Liam's birth. Music has a powerful effect on my soul; even in the thick of labor, the lyrics penetrated my heart. I was reminded why I was doing this. I was calm, recalling the words spoken in a Priesthood Blessing that "everything would go exactly as it should".

Lord of all creation
of water earth and sky
The heavens are your Tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on high

 The water made my body feel light and the warmth helped my body to relax, but it didn't bring as much relief as I hoped. Contractions were overtaking my body. I started to feel like I was flopping around like a fish out of water.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need

I tried changing positions seeking even the slightest amount of relief, but to no avail. I was no longer silent. I listened as my quivering voice let out "ahhhhhhh's". My eyes met Rod's. No words were spoken, but his body language spoke volumes. He wanted desperately to take away the pain, to help, to make it stop.

I asked Renee if Liam was still posterior. She confirmed that he was, which explained the horrendous back labor. I expressed my utter frustration and disappointment. I could feel my body working hard to rotate Liam. In fact, my round-ligaments were straining to correct his position. It was excruciating, unlike Crew's straight-forward delivery. In fact, for weeks after Liam's deliver, my round ligaments were incredibly sore from the amount of work they performed.

Renee suggested I lean on my left side to help my body rotate him into the Left-Occupiet-Anterior position. As I positioned myself to the left, I felt in my heart and mind that Liam wouldn't rotate like most babies. Instead of rotating clockwise, I felt intuitively that he would rotate counter-clockwise.  I abandoned the left side for my right and continued to focus on the lyrics to the music playing. (Liam did eventually turn counter-clockwise as I felt he would.)

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

6:49 pm

Renee sat beside the tub, listening to Liam's heart-tones. In the 130's and perfect. After a contraction ended, she asked if I felt "pushy". I was caught off guard by her question because, no, I did not feel pushy. Not really? Maybe? Should I be? Was I in transition? Is that why I feel like giving up? She suggested I get out of the tub so she could check my dilation for the first time.

I left the warmth of the tub, difficult as it was, and laid on the bed. I decided it was better to have low expectations, so I decided that if I was even a few centimeters dilated, I would be thrilled.

"You're 8-9 centimeters and baby is 0-1 station."

I couldn't believe it. Absolute shock. Rodney and I stared at each other in complete awe. Tears filled both of our eyes as the realization that our son would soon be born registered in our minds. He was finally coming to join our family. 

We had waited a long time for him. The boy who had occupied my dreams long before he was conceived was making his much anticipated debut! We prayed month after month for him, hoping for a positive pregnancy test, yet felt the sting of disappointment time and time again. We experienced the devastating loss of miscarriage, but clung to the hope that we would eventually hold in our arms the son that Heavenly Father assured us would be ours. 

There we stood, silent. Hearts overflowing with gratitude, while music filled the room. The beautiful lyrics spoke of our journey that had led us to that moment.

Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me


Sometimes I think of where it is I’ve come from
And the things I’ve left behind
But of all I’ve had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what’s in front of me