A serious reflection on parenting

I love my Paxton.  However, I've been paid a long-overdue visit from my dear friend, Karma.  Paxton is determined, bold, adventurous, impulsive and incredibly social.  He is me. In case you were wondering, I hate parenting a miniature version of myself. It's infuriating.

Paxton is giving us every opportunity to develop our patience.  In other words, I want to repeatedly beat my head with a frying pan every single day. 

Today he was especially demanding of patience, of which I had none.  It made for a colorful day!  By bedtime I had put myself in Mommy Timeout and handed off all parental obligations to Rod.  In-between exaggerated sobs, Paxton very furiously told Rodney, "YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!"

I love who Paxton is, but some days I have to remind myself *why* I love who he is. Since his birth, we recognized that our loving Heavenly Father sent one of His incredibly BOLD spirit children to our home.  I've always been keenly aware of his strengths, but he is young, therefore these characteristics are immature and often manifest themselves in unacceptable ways.  At the core of his occasional defiance, for example, is boldness, something he will need in order to, like Paul, boldly declare the gospel of Jesus Christ.

His behavior that makes me cringe are actually Divinely-given characteristics that need to be refined and mastered in order to be beneficial. His impulsive nature will mature into enthusiasm.  His stubbornness to become committed.  His brazen personality to become valiance. He already is this amazing, valiant, committed, enthusiastic person, but he is three years old. Like the rest of us, he is learning how to "put off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ".  

What scares me most is recognizing our central role in molding who he becomes.  I often (very, VERY often) feel the weight of responsibility that has been asked in raising two sons into the stalwart men Christ desires and NEEDS them to be.  I have never in all of my life spent more time on my knees praying for guidance than I have since I started having children.  That's because I know prayers are heard and answered by a loving Father, in His own way and time.  I also know that He is deeply concerned about all of His children.  I know that He knows and loves Paxton infinitely more than I can comprehend. I know that He knows how to parent Paxton infinitely better than I ever could and He is capable and *willing* to offer guidance, even to imperfect people like me.  This gives me great hope.

{{Maybe we won't ruin him?!?! This is yet to be determined.}}