Beginning to End: Liam's Birth Story

Saturday, October 4th

We took the boys to some local fall festivities where we enjoyed a petting zoo, a hay-maze, horse riding, apple donuts, apple cider, a train ride, and caramel apples.  Things were going perfectly, until our Suburban wouldn't park. Nope, it wouldn't park. Literally. {{What....the....????}} You'd put it into park, but it kept rolling forward (or backward, depending on the road).

Broken car. Spectacular timing.

I was approaching my 37th week of pregnancy, so we had to act fast. Arrangements were made for the Suburban to be looked at on Monday and our online car shopping commenced.

Sunday, October 5th

We spent the day watching General Conference, a semiannual gathering of the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Conference is broadcast to members throughout the world, so we enjoyed our day watching and listening from the comfort of our home.

Toward the end of the day, the boys begged me to play "Abengers". I agreed and shared this flattering picture with the world.  Captain America never looked better, right?!

I wasn't quite 37 weeks, but decided I was close enough to make it my "official" 37th week picture. Incredibly classy, wouldn't you agree? This would be my last weekly pregnancy picture. {{Smacks forehead}}

Monday, October 6th

At my appointment with my midwives, my worst fear was confirmed: Liam wasn't in the best position for labor. He was head down, but he wasn't in the ideal position (LOA or OA). Even worse, he had descended into my pelvis in this wonky position.

The Left Occiput Anterior (LOA) position is often the easiest fetal position for the start of labor. In this position, baby is lined up so as to fit through your pelvis as easily as possible. The baby’s head is easily "flexed" (his chin tucked onto his chest) so that the smallest part of his head will be applied to the cervix first. When you have massive babies, these are the details you care about.

Babies settle in the LOA position naturally when the womb is well balanced. Positioning plays a huge factor in how long labor and pushing will last in addition to the intensity of labor.

It was hard to know exactly, because of how much amniotic fluid I had, but we suspected he was either posterior (OP), or Right Occupient Posterior (ROP). Worst. Positions. Ever. 

This sent me into a panicked frenzy; we knew he was big and now we knew he was mal-positioned. {{Slow clap}} As the uterus contracts, babies are turned in a clockwise manner. My contracting uterus would have to spin Liam allllllllllllll the way around. In other words, this would take longer and be much more painful (back labor, anyone?) than if he were positioned correctly. {{Second slow clap}}

Doubt, fear, and discouragement flooded my mind. Paxton was posterior and, well, that ended in a cesarean. To me, this was the worst news. A broken car and a mal-positioned baby. It was an emotional day, to say the least.

By the day's end, our Suburban had been fixed. What sweet relief that was! Still, we decided it was time to buy something more reliable. We knew we'd be wise to purchase something before Liam was born because, seriously, newborns complicate grocery shopping; I couldn't wrap my head around car shopping with a newborn. Our search would continue. Our time was limited, yes, but we had enough time. A few weeks, maybe? At the very least 10 days.

Or so I thought.

A trip to the bathroom revealed some bloody show. {{TMI? Too bad. This is a birth story, after all.}}

What. The. Heck.

8:19pm. 
Text to midwives:

Me: I had some bloody show just now. Not a lot. Having some achy back and menstrual-like cramping. I'm pretty sure it's nothing, but just letting y'all know.

Midwife: Thanks for the heads up. It is a little early for a baby... sure hope you hold him in one more week.

Me: I'm pretty sure I will. He's a little tease.

Midwife: Ok... Don't give me grey hair please!

Me Ha! I'll try not to. I really think my body will hold him in. I'm not ready. Still have things to do.

Midwife: Lol, whew! Thank you!

Tuesday, October 7th

37 weeks pregnant

Besides car shopping and Crew coloring himself with marker to make himself "look pwetty like a lion", nothing exciting happened. In fact, I had completely disregarded my bloody show from the day prior. A fluke, I told myself. In my mind, nothing was going to happen for weeks. In fact, I was mentally preparing to go past my due date.

Wednesday, October 8th

Although we hadn't found anything to purchase, we went to a bank to get pre-qualified for a car loan. I joked with the banker, who was also pregnant, about the timing of our vehicles troubles. My thoughts suddenly focused on the contractions that were coming. These were a step above Braxton hicks contractions, but they were weak. Annoying, actually. I ignored them, recalling the weeks (literally) of contractions I had endured with Pax.

Ain't nobody got time for this, I thought to myself.

We happened to be near a chiropractor I had visited earlier in my pregnancy. I hadn't seen her in weeks (the drive was too far), nor did I have an appointment with her, but I had this strong feeling that I needed to go see her. I hesitantly walked into her office. Luckily, she was able to squeeze me into her busy schedule and adjust me. She spent a lot of time on my round ligaments, mentioning that they were protruding and tense.

The day finally came to its end. Rod left for work and after the boys were in bed I poured my entire soul out to Heavenly Father. So much weighed on my mind and I needed to tell Him everything. This was nothing new. For months I had conversations with God about this baby and his birth. These prayers began February 15-- the day I found out I was pregnant with Liam. I prayed for safety and peace. I asked that His Divine Hand would be revealed throughout this pregnancy, labor and delivery. And it was, many times over.

Based on how hard my body worked to rotate Liam, I am forever grateful for that prompting to visit the chiropractor, her willingness to adjust me, and the extra time she spent releasing the tension in my ligaments. This was just one of the many instances where Heavenly Father stretched forth His mighty hand to offer His help.

Thursday, October 9th

Like always, I forgot to put out the garbage, so when I heard the garbage truck barreling through our neighborhood at 5:30am, I bolted out of bed. I waddled up and down the drive-way, struggling with one large trash can and two large recycle bins, one of which was missing a wheel. Maneuvering those suckers with no shoes and an enormous belly is no small task, especially because the journey from the house to the road is a steep downward slope. I was annoyed at the task, but walked away victorious! {{Stupid trash day.}}

I made my way back to bed pretending not to hear Paxton rummaging around in his room. I dozed off and woke when I heard Crew fling his bedroom door open. I was surprised that he slept until 7:00, but grateful for the sleep I enjoyed because of it. After helping him in the bathroom I asked him if he peed the bed, something we've come to expect.

"Nope! I not pee the bed", he replied.

"Oh, good!! It's going to be a GREAT day!"

And with those words, I bent down to help him find cloths to wear to preschool.

****gush*****

What. The. Heck.

There was definitely a gush of something, but not a lot. Certainly not an entire bag of amniotic fluid, I thought to myself. Maybe I peed my pants? In pregnancy, everything is possible, including peeing one's pants. I couldn't see beneath my pregnant belly; heck, it had MONTHS since I could! Maneuvering to check out what just happened felt like an Olympic sport. I waddled into my bathroom, threw off my shorts to investigate and took this picture:

I admit to smelling the shorts {{ew, I'm disgusting}} to rule out peeing my pants; it definitely wasn't urine. I sat down on the toilet, in complete disbelief, unsure what to do next. As I sat down, more warm water came gushing out.

Crap.

This was the moment I knew for certain that my water broke, or at least was partially broken. My head was swirling with all the reasons why we were not ready to have this baby. A new car hadn't been purchased. Our vacuum was broken. Freezer meals weren't prepared. Rodney had a cold. I hadn't completed my Hypnobabies course. Heck, his bassinet wasn't even set up. And, oh my goodness, he would be 37 weeks! Barely 37 weeks at that. 

I reluctantly sent a text to my midwife, because doing so meant this was actually happening. Unprepared as we were, he was coming.

7:19am

Me: Went to bend down to help my son, felt a warm gush. Pretty sure my water broke. When I went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet more warm water came out. I have a pad on now and feel more warm water trickling out.

Midwife: Ok. Any contractions?

Me: No

Midwife: That's ok. It will change. Rest up and drink. How's the little one? And are you seeing any pink or red?

Me: I woke up not long ago and he was super active. There's some pink when I wipe.

Midwife: Ok, fantastic. Lets give it one hour and see if you start contracting.  My guess is that we're going to be having a birthday today :) Remember, we were hoping you would go a little bit slower this time :)  Easy, slow and peaceful. And it's a fabulous day for a birthday party :)

Me: Lol. Yes! The great news is that Esther adjusted me yesterday and really worked on my round ligaments.

Midwife: Well isn't that just perfect. I'm so happy for you.

My midwife knew my history with Crew. He came fast and furious and with barely enough time for a midwife to get there. One of my concerns was another incredibly fast birth with nobody to help me. For this reason, I am grateful my water broke. It alerted me that, yes, you're going to have a baby so get ready.

And get ready I did. I called Rod as I began pacing around the house, overwhelmed by how much still needed to get done.

7:21am

I was surprised that Rod answered immediately. I knew he was at the hospital, finishing his shift. Through my tears I told him my water broke.

Rod: What? 

Silence.

Rod: Vanessa, are you serious? 

Enter meltdown.

Me: Yes. I'm serious! And we're not reeeeaaaaaady! The house is a war zone. He doesn't even have a name. We're going to STARVE because no freezer meals are ready. I don't even think we have milk in the fridge right now.  And he's soo young! And my vaccum is broke! Everything is just a disaster. And you're SICK. And I'm.... (unintelligible cry-talking)....

Rod: Baby, it's ok. It will be ok. I'm coming home.

We got off the phone and I made the decision that Crew would stay home from pre-school. I didn't know when contractions would start, and didn't want to risk taking him and having to drive through contractions. However, because Paxton's school is literally around the corner, I decided he would go. After all, the walking could be useful for labor (and it was!). 

I started frantically waddling around the house because, of course, it was a disaster. I first started with the dishes, but as soon as I bent down to put a plate in the dishwasher, more water came out, soaking through my pad and pants. I rummaged through my massive birth kit, realizing even a heavy duty pad wouldn't do the trick. And there it was. My package of adult diapers. No, I'm not kidding. Diapers.


It's go time. Good thing I have my diapers, I thought to myself. I put it on and began walking when I noticed my diaper was making the all-too-familiar diaper squeaky sound. If you've had a baby, you know the sound.

So there I was. In a diaper. A very squeaky diaper.

I text my family, mostly because when you're wearing a diaper, you have to let people know. 

8:09am

Rod called as he was driving home from work.

Rod: So since I'm sick...

Me: ....This baby's timing is terrible {{emotional panic sets in once more}}. I mean, seriously we aren't ready and you're sick and...

Rod: ....Vanessa, it will be fine. I promise. But, since I'm sick, do you think I have enough time to stop and buy some surgical masks?

Me: You cannot be serious. A mask?

Rod: Yeah. 

Silence

Me: Go ahead and buy your silly mask.

Rod: So you're not about to have the baby then?

Me: No. Contractions haven't even started.

 

Eventually Rod got home. My cleaning frenzy hadn't slowed since the morning. I even threw some food into the crock-pot to eat for dinner. The more I moved, the more fluid came gushing out. After soaking through two diapers, I realized my small pack of diapers wasn't sufficient for the outrageous amount of amniotic fluid my placenta was doing a fabulous job of producing. I needed more. 

Ain't nobody got time to go to the store, is what I (literally) thought. 

Just then Rod returned from taking Pax to school, so I begged him to quickly drop by the nearest pharmacy to buy more diapers, which he agreed to. He returned around 9:30am and settled down for some much needed sleep.

9:33am

Text from my midwife.

Midwife: Hi! Anymore gushes?

Me: Oh yeah! Several!

Midwife: Ok, fantastic! Any more bloody show or cramping?

Me: Cramping.  


11:00am

Text from birth photographer.

Her: How's everything going?

Me: It's boring. Nothing exciting to report. I bet things won't pick up until tonight.

Her: That's how my second labor was.

Me: It's nice because I'm getting stuff done, but I'm gonna get antsy soon. I'll keep you updated. 

11:09am

An incoming phone call. Normally I don't answer phone calls from numbers I don't recognize, but this time I did.

Lady: Hi, is this Vanessa? Paxton's mom?

Me: Yes....? Why?

Lady: Well, there was an incident...

Me: **gasp** What?!

Lady: Paxton's in the nurses office right n...

Me: ...IS HE OK??? What happened?

Lady: He fell on his head during recess. His teacher isn't exactly sure what he was doing. He cried, but is better now. We have to report these things. We'll give you information on concussions when you pick him up, just to err on the side of caution.

My thoughts: Did she seriously just say concussion? Yes, she did. I'm going to have a baby sometime soon-ish and my son might have a concussion. And my diaper needs to be changed. AGAIN! What is wrong with this day?

As I hung up the phone, I looked out my kitchen window to see water shooting 12 feet straight into the air. This seriously wasn't happening, right? I walked outside, investigated the situation and determined that, yes, this was actually happening and I had no idea how to fix it.

*Insert contraction here*
We had reached pandemonium status. I was left with no choice. Wake my sleep deprived husband to save me from melting.

Me: Hi, Rod. I know you're tired, but ummm...... there's a 12 foot water fountain shooting in the air Bellagio style, and I'm in labor'ish, oh and our son has a concussion. But, seriously, go look in the backyard.


Rod: {{silently rolls out of bed and stammers outside}}

10 minutes later

Rod: {{silently enters house, soaking wet, and returns to bed}}

The very last pregnancy selfie. Holy huge belly.

12:15pm 

Crew and I walked to pick Pax up from school. I was hoping that a brisk walk would help do something. Anything, really. That entire morning I was cleaning like a crazy lady, and nothing exciting was happening. Sure, I would have occasional contractions, they even hurt, but I knew we had a long way to go. I was growing impatient.

Once we were home, and after Paxton's classmate asked if I shoved a basketball up my shirt, we ate lunch. I told the boys that we were going to make birthday cupcakes for the baby, something I would soon regret. They were thrilled. The walk to and from Pax's school was successful in that contractions were coming and finally worth noticing.

Text update to midwives.

1:22pm

Me: I just started having contractions that have caught my attention. Nothing regular though.

I put some music on and we made our cupcakes. Normally, I could handle how "helpful" the boys were being, but my contractions were making it hard to focus. I debated whether or not to call my sister in law to take the boys. There wasn't a pattern to the contractions, but when they came, they came with a vengeance. I'd always heard that contractions with a broken bag of water was more intense, and having experienced that now, I would have to say yes and AMEN. I began recording them.

1:27pm. 40 seconds

1:31pm. 12seconds

1:40pm. 1minute 14seconds 

Between contractions I thought I could have the boys home with me, hoping their presence would be a calming influence. I had romanticized the idea of the boys being near, not necessarily in the room, but near when their brother was born. In my head, that sounded ideal.... Until a contraction would bring me down from my delusions; it was far too intense. Their shenanigans, answering millions of questions to appease their curious minds, and playing referee was a task I wasn't up for.

1:46pm. 27seconds

1:51pm. 23seconds

1:55pm. 29seconds

2:00pm. 1minute 2 seconds

2:03pm 35seconds

2:10pm 33seconds

2:14pm 16seconds

2:17pm 51seconds

2:26pm. 43seconds 

2:28pm 28seconds

2:34pm 31seconds

I was incredibly overwhelmed. I thought baking birthday cupcakes with the boys would be the perfect, age appropriate way for them to connect to their brother's birth. I was growing impatient, however, with how involved the process had become. Baking with young children is a tedious task and my contractions were unrelenting.

Time to update midwives.

2:31pm

Me: Contractions are serious now. Still no definite pattern, though.

By this point, the cupcakes were finished, the boys were happy, but I needed emotional support. I wanted somebody to exist in the same space as me, somebody who by only touching me or being present would calm me. That person was Rod; I needed him. I woke him up.

2:34pm 31 seconds

2:39pm 50 seconds

2:41pm 43 seconds

2:54pm 57 seconds

2:59pm 38 seconds

I expressed everything that was rolling around my head, mainly my indecisiveness on whether or not the boys should stay at home as I wanted, or go elsewhere. A few more contractions and I decided that I needed quiet; they would have to leave.

3:16pm 51 seconds

This was getting intense. While Rod made arrangements to take the boys to his sister's house, I decided it was time for my birth team to come to our home. Liam was coming.

3:18pm

Me (to midwives): I think it's time for y'all to come.

 This was getting intense. While Rod made arrangements to take the boys to his sister's house, I decided it was time for my birth team to come to our home. Liam was coming.

3:22pm 36 seconds

3:25pm 41 seconds

3:28pm 31 seconds

3:31pm 31 seconds

3:37pm 54 seconds

Rod returned home from getting the boys and joined me in our bedroom where I was laboring and listening to music. He rubbed my back, showing his encouragement. I was relieved that he was back and that the house was peaceful so I could fully concentrate.

3:40pm 45 seconds

3:41pm 27 seconds

3:44pm 36 seconds

 3:49pm 42 seconds

3:54pm 41 seconds

3:59 pm 33 seconds

4:01pm 53 seconds

4:05pm 42 seconds

4:06 pm

Renee, my midwife arrived. She entered our bedroom quietly. Her presence and her infectious smile calmed me. As we hugged, she noticed I was wearing a Superman shirt. I told her it was intentional; this was the same shirt I wore when Crew was born. It has become a tradition of sorts, I suppose.

We listened to Liam's heartbeat. It was in the 140's and perfect.

Soon after, Kim, Renee's student midwife arrived. At my request they began filling the birthing tub. While I felt most comfortable with them in our home, I wanted to be alone. I didn't even want Rod around. It was instinctual and unexpected.

I walked to our closet area behind a wall in our master bedroom and labored. I went from bathroom (to empty my bladder a million times) to closet area. Back and forth. Back and forth, recording contractions, listening to the water fill the birthing tub.

4:15pm 1 minute 1 second

4:19pm 47 seconds

4:23pm 42 seconds

4:27pm 37 seconds

Sometimes I'd lean against the counter. Other times, I'd drop to my hands and knees, swaying my hips. Both techniques brought relief. Sitting on the toliet through a contraction, however, felt like torture, so I made sure to pee quickly.

4:33pm 48 seconds

4:36pm 28 seconds

4:40pm 55 seconds

4:48pm 58 seconds

I suddenly realized I could be laboring all night and feared I would grow tired. I've heard of women napping between contractions, so perhaps, I thought, this was something worth trying. I waddled to the bed and permissively stated I wanted to take a nap, almost as if I were looking for approval or asking permission. Rod reminded me that I could do whatever I wanted. I crawled into bed, laid on my side facing Rod while he sat on the floor and caressed my hair. I closed my eyes and began drifting to sleep...... until a contraction hit hard.

4:54pm 1minute 9 seconds

I immediately resumed the hands and knees position, swaying my hips, thinking to myself how impressive it must have been to see me move as quick as I did in the huge condition I was in. The contraction ended and I laid back down.

5:03pm 1 minute 12 seconds

I thought to myself how strange it was that my contractions were spacing out.  It's as if my body instinctively knew I wanted to rest, and so it slowed labor. While a nice gesture (thanks, body!), I wasn't sure prolonging the process was necessarily what I wanted. I decided to get out of bed and change the scenery. I didn't know where I wanted to go, but found myself outside with Daisy, our yellow Labrador Retriever.

5:06pm 40 seconds

She was excitedly anxious. She had stalked me all day, knowing something was brewing. In fact, her stalker level reached Creepy Status soon after my water broke earlier in the day. That entire morning she wouldn't leave me alone so I let her outside, instructing the boys that she was not allowed back in. All the day long, she sat perched in the same spot so she could see into our home. She barked and howled as I came into her view. Needless to say, when I walked outside, she was ecstatic.

5:10pm 1 minute 15 seconds

A few minutes later, Rod joined me outside, unsure what I was doing. I threw Daisy's ball a few times, noticing that my contractions weren't as strong as I wanted. To further discourage me, they were spacing out!

5:17pm 46 seconds.

The last recorded contraction.

I walked back inside where Renee greeted me in the dining room. She asked what was going on, sensing my anxiety. We discussed that my contractions were spacing out and loosing intensity, something no laboring woman wants to experience. I breathed through a few more contractions before she asked that I follow her back into the bedroom.

She had me look into the mirror and asked me how I thought Liam was laying based on how my belly looked. I turned sideways, noticing my belly looked extra heavy near my belly-button. She confirmed that, yes, Liam was flopping forward probably because my uterus, belly and abdominal muscles have been stretched out before making it hard for him to properly align in my pelvis. She grabbed my birth ball and said if I wanted to speed the process along, that I would have to do something I would absolutely hate: lay flat on the birth ball, head and shoulders supported by Rod, and feet against our dresser. It was as if I were in the squatting position, except I was flat on my back on a birth ball.

I looked at her like she was crazy. There was NO way I could endure that position through several contractions. It would be incredibly painful, but I trusted her. I begrudgingly got into position, supported by Rod.

It was excruciating. One after the other contractions would overcome me. Rod reminded me to breathe, something that felt impossible in that position. I was determined to get through more contractions in that awful position because it was working. My contractions were once again incredibly intense and closely spaced.

I had reached that impossible point in labor.

It was me against my mind.

After enduring far too many contractions on that stupid birth ball, I stood and decided I wanted to get into the birth tub. In my mind, I had earned a break from that awful position. The ease of early labor was a distant memory. Now my body ached for the warmth of the water.  I had high expectations of laboring in water, all based on other women's positive experiences and descriptions.

6:19pm

I got in, and much to my displeasure, realized the water was too cool for my liking. I suppose enough time had elapsed since my midwives filled the tub that the water was no longer warm.  I asked my midwives if we could add hot water. They were incredibly accommodating and began emptying some water in order to refill the tub with hot water.

Despite the uncomfortable water temperature, I stayed in the tub, unwilling to stand and hoist my leg over the tall side of the birth tub. Contractions came hard and fast. At this point, they were every two to three minutes and lasting over a minute. I tried to concentrate. The room was growing dim as the sun's light began to fade from the bedroom window. I could smell the Pumpkin Spice candles burning beside the tub. I felt Rod's touch. I got lost in the music, focusing intently on the lyrics. These were the songs that I carefully selected in the months leading up to Liam's birth. Music has a powerful effect on my soul; even in the thick of labor, the lyrics penetrated my heart. I was reminded why I was doing this. I was calm, recalling the words spoken in a Priesthood Blessing that "everything would go exactly as it should".

Lord of all creation
of water earth and sky
The heavens are your Tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on high

 The water made my body feel light and the warmth helped my body to relax, but it didn't bring as much relief as I hoped. Contractions were overtaking my body. I started to feel like I was flopping around like a fish out of water.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need

I tried changing positions seeking even the slightest amount of relief, but to no avail. I was no longer silent. I listened as my quivering voice let out "ahhhhhhh's". My eyes met Rod's. No words were spoken, but his body language spoke volumes. He wanted desperately to take away the pain, to help, to make it stop.

I asked Renee if Liam was still posterior. She confirmed that he was, which explained the horrendous back labor. I expressed my utter frustration and disappointment. I could feel my body working hard to rotate Liam. In fact, my round-ligaments were straining to correct his position. It was excruciating, unlike Crew's straight-forward delivery. In fact, for weeks after Liam's deliver, my round ligaments were incredibly sore from the amount of work they performed.

Renee suggested I lean on my left side to help my body rotate him into the Left-Occupiet-Anterior position. As I positioned myself to the left, I felt in my heart and mind that Liam wouldn't rotate like most babies. Instead of rotating clockwise, I felt intuitively that he would rotate counter-clockwise.  I abandoned the left side for my right and continued to focus on the lyrics to the music playing. (Liam did eventually turn counter-clockwise as I felt he would.)

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God

6:49 pm

Renee sat beside the tub, listening to Liam's heart-tones. In the 130's and perfect. After a contraction ended, she asked if I felt "pushy". I was caught off guard by her question because, no, I did not feel pushy. Not really? Maybe? Should I be? Was I in transition? Is that why I feel like giving up? She suggested I get out of the tub so she could check my dilation for the first time.

I left the warmth of the tub, difficult as it was, and laid on the bed. I decided it was better to have low expectations, so I decided that if I was even a few centimeters dilated, I would be thrilled.

"You're 8-9 centimeters and baby is 0-1 station."

I couldn't believe it. Absolute shock. Rodney and I stared at each other in complete awe. Tears filled both of our eyes as the realization that our son would soon be born registered in our minds. He was finally coming to join our family. 

We had waited a long time for him. The boy who had occupied my dreams long before he was conceived was making his much anticipated debut! We prayed month after month for him, hoping for a positive pregnancy test, yet felt the sting of disappointment time and time again. We experienced the devastating loss of miscarriage, but clung to the hope that we would eventually hold in our arms the son that Heavenly Father assured us would be ours. 

There we stood, silent. Hearts overflowing with gratitude, while music filled the room. The beautiful lyrics spoke of our journey that had led us to that moment.

Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me


Sometimes I think of where it is I’ve come from
And the things I’ve left behind
But of all I’ve had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what’s in front of me

7:04pm

I stood and embraced Rod through contractions. Kim, the assistant midwife, eased my contractions by squeezing my hips. It felt heavenly. Kim encouraged Rod to perform the hip-squeezes. I welcomed the idea because, after all, I wanted him to feel involved in the process. Kim showed him where to place his hands and how to apply counter-pressure. Bless his heart, but he didn't have the magic touch like Kim. Finally, mid-contraction I moaned, "You're fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired".

7:38pm

I moved back into the tub. I was longing to feel the warmth surround my body. My body practically melted as I sat in the tub, but when contractions would hit, I felt like a fish flopping out of water. No position seemed natural. Renee said I could push if I felt it was time. I was still waiting for the overwhelming urge to push, but it still hadn't come. Still, I pushed a few times because I wanted desperately to be finished. My body and mind were tired from the long day. At some point, Renee checked Liam's heart tones and they remained perfect.

As I continued to reposition myself in effort to find an ideal pushing position, I questioned Renee why Liam wasn't moving down. My mind filled with doubt. At the beginning of labor he was posterior (sunny side up) and I began to doubt his ability to rotate. She had me get out of the tub and walked me to our long hallway. She said in effort to help Liam properly align, I would have to walk down the hallway.

Easy enough, I thought.

But I misunderstood.

Walk down the hallway, taking HUGE, over-exaggerated steps during a contraction.

My head nearly spun off my shoulders. There was no way I could MOVE during a contraction. Walk down the hallway? Not a chance. Not when contractions were so intense. And the over-exaggerated strides? Um, no thanks.

She smiled and said it was entirely my choice, but she reassured me that it would help. She warned that I might hate her for it, but it was definitely help. Begrudgingly, I took my place at the end of the hallway, waiting for a contraction so I could begin my walk.

My mind took me back to the days when I ran track--the 300meter hurdles. The starter would announce, "Ladies, take your mark" and we would slowly position ourselves in the starter-blocks. There we would wait for him to say "Set" where we would raise in the blocks until the gun sounded. In those few moments before the gun sounded, the surrounding noises--the crowd, the coaches, the athletes, all of it-- would become a dull buzz overpowered by the sound of my beating heart.

The moment at the end of the hall felt exactly like those many moments I had as an athlete. Adrenaline pumped through my body. The noises that surrounded me became a whisper compared to my beating heart and my thoughts. I knew this was going to be painful, but somehow, I was going to do it.

I slowly made it down the hallway, following directions with precision. I waited at the far end of the hallway once more for another contraction to walk back. As I got nearer to the bedroom door, the overwhelming urge that I had waited for finally came. In fact, as I reached the midwives, I bent over and said, "I have to push!!!!!!!!!"

It worked. The stupid walking worked.

7:50pm

I laid on the end of my bed and pushed. Kim held a mirror as I pushed and that's when I first saw a tiny section of his head. Renee checked Liam's heart tones once more and it remained perfect.

 8:11pm

We agreed that changing positions might help with pushing, so I moved onto the floor into a squat position.

8:19pm

My legs grew tired in the squat position, so I moved to my left side to push. This is when I felt Liam rotating. It was hard work. Arguably the hardest my body has ever worked at anything before. But slow and steady, with each push, I felt him rotate from posterior to anterior. It literally felt like a cork-screw miraculously turned him so that he didn't come out sunny-side up.

8:24pm

After a long day of anticipation, a difficult labor, and an exhausted body, Liam Matthew finally entered the world screaming.

There are certain moments in my life I will never forget. This moment was one of them. The feeling in the room was absolutely sacred. This new little baby came directly from the presence of God into our home. Our hearts were filled with love, reverence for the gift of life, and gratitude that we held in our arms another piece of our future.

I was overjoyed. My sweet baby, who I had become acquainted with through dreams, was finally in my arms. The weeks upon weeks of nausea, vomiting, hair loss, weight gain, numb fingers, swollen ankles, achy back, and uncomfortable waddling was well worth it.  He was absolutely perfect and healthy, all 9.3lbs of him.